My jargon is better than your jargon
October 17th, 2005
Nick Usbourne’s contest to write short lines that “protest the ridiculous jargon and cliches that permeate business language” has spawned some great entries. The winning entries have been applied to mugs which you can buy at cafepress . I think the price is a bit steep, but you have to like mugs which proclaim:
If my undivided attention is mission critical, we might have a problem
Shift my paradigm before I have had my morning coffee and I will core your competencies
and
Sorry I’m late, but my paradigm shifted over my integrated solution and I couldn’t gain traction
You can see who submitted what catchphase on Nick’s page. My favourites of the “also rans” come from Donald Carson:
I’m implementing a synergistic beverage action plan
Finally a concave interface for all my mission-critical caffeinated initiatives
and (how could this not have been a winner?), from Simon Young:
We appear to have begun an upstream shift while simultaneously experiencing a paddle deficiency
If you are ever tempted to write or speak like this, try being ruthlessly specific instead . In the words of contestant Mary Hughes:
If you still say ‘Think Outside the Box’ you don’t.
Entry Filed under: Writing
4 Comments Add your own
1. Anonymous | October 17th, 2005 at 5:55 pm
– “If you still say ‘Think Outside the Box’ you don’t.”
That’s the mug I want!
2. | October 18th, 2005 at 6:18 am
I used to work for a guy who could not stand to lose an argument. I came up with the following, said in a way that made him sound like he’d won - worked every time:
Still comes in handy from time to time.
3. The Alchemy of Soulful Wo… | November 8th, 2005 at 3:59 am
But It Sounded Good When The Consultant Said It
I’ve written before about my aversion to those who admonish us to think outside the box. Now, I have a brilliant Thatcherite retort: If you still say ‘Think Outside the Box’ you don’t.Thanks, Adrian for pointing me to the results of Nick Usbourn…
4. Troy Worman | December 16th, 2005 at 10:06 pm
Super! And fantastic. I wish I had seen this sooner.
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